Power in Defenselessness

Above the Battle Field

Me in Tiger’s Nest monastery in Bhutan

Have you ever found yourself in a position that tested your personal growth?

About a week and a half ago, I was contacted by one of the writers at Willamette Week, a publication that has repeatedly published inaccurate and unflattering stories about me.  

It was clear they were at it again and there was going to be another negative and (almost certainly) inaccurate story about me.

Years ago, when a negative article about me would drop it would hit me so hard I’d go into a stretch of dirty bathrobe on the couch days just trying to numb out on mindless TV as an escape.  

I’ll admit I was triggered -- a bit -- but it felt different this time. 

Instead of feeling crushed or super angry, a had a brief moment of pause and reflection on where, and how, I used to be compared to where and how I am today. And then I felt a deep sense of appreciation for the spiritual deep-dive I’ve done over the past few years and the tools I now have as a result. It was gratifying to realize I’d taken my power back from those putting their time into writing the garbage.

I still felt a bit of the humanness, the anger and hurt, and I felt the desire to hit back, but only a little bit for a little while. After all, that’s what they wanted, right? Why else would anyone attack you other than to instigate a battle and, in this case, get people to click on their stories. More importantly, I’ve learned that in “battle mode” you always sacrifice your own peace and undermine your productivity.

This time the brief moment of triggered emotions was fleeting, as I was instantly reminded of the spiritual tools I’d learned to equip myself with in order to reclaim my mind. It didn’t take long to remember that such petty BS has no effect on the truth of who I am or what is real in life. I was surprised to find myself even feeling a possibility that there was something positive beyond the unpleasant appearance.

For me, every so often I’ll have a reaction to a challenging situation that is different and more peaceful than I would have had in the past and then I’ll realize, at least for that moment, I’ve embodied a level of spiritual maturity I hadn’t experienced before. That is exactly what this event provided. If you want to see how much you’ve grown just find yourself in a challenging situation similar to what you’ve been in before, and notice how you react.

A Course in Miracles teaches that we’re invulnerable when we’re defenseless. Man, I had a hard time with that concept! It was almost enough for me to abandon the Course completely. However, over time, I’m starting to get the wisdom in it. When we begin to know the truth of who and what we actually are we realize we need no defenses against untruths, pettiness, etc.

As expected, the story was indeed full of inaccuracies. Former Governor Kitzhaber and I are still together and no, unlike what was reported, he has never moved to Bend. We continue to enjoy a blessed relationship. I was not ordained through “Unity Church” but through Unity Worldwide Ministries. I am indeed an author, but don’t have a book titled, Transcend. The writer of the story, Sophie Peel, said I’d reemerged as a “spiritual guru”. While I appreciate her appraisal of my spiritual wisdom, I’ve certainly never called or considered myself a guru. But hey, that’s the nicest thing Willamette Week has ever said about me, so I’ll take it!

Sadly, I wasn’t the only person targeted by Willamette Week for these most recent smears. They did stories on 14 notable Portlanders, all with a negative spin. 

Reading it was sadly shocking. The spin was so bad it was like reading something from The Onion. Willamette Week had paid writers to spend time creating stories filled with negative and inaccurate information rather than covering any real news. Think about that. Think about all that is going on in this world and how much time and effort was put into this wildly meaningless article. I have learned that people attack when they are hurting or afraid and the best response is to say, “I am sorry for your suffering and hope you heal.”

That’s what I’d like to say to those at Willamette Week. I am sorry for your suffering.

I have shared many times, based on what I’ve experienced in political and public positions, that our broken, for-profit, click-bait driven media model is one of the greatest threats to democracy and greatest barriers to finding solutions to the pressing problems facing Oregon, our country and our world. 

I am well aware that the Willamette Week rolls me and others out as clickbait, hoping to titillate readers and please advertisers. Reports show that they’ve lost a lot of circulation. Maybe more people are beginning to recognize their tactics for what they really are.  

I have learned that we create our experiences through the lenses we choose to view through (internal and external). Therefore, I’ve learned to be intentional in my media intake. I must admit I’m a bit of a news junkie but I balance the intake of corporate, mainstream and agenda-driven media with sources like Yes! Magazine, Positive News, and the Good News Network. I also subscribe, listen to and read Public Broadcasting though it too must be filtered for click-bait spin.

And with that peace out for now. I’m taking my dogs out to play in this glorious, golden Fall day.

But first, speaking of dogs, check out the short piece below.

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Life with Livvy and LottaDog – Finding New Passion/ Talent in Every Phase of Life

One year ago last weekend, Olive and I ran in our very first agility trial. She was just a little bitty fifteen-month-old pup and I was super nervous because I really had no idea what I was doing. I was afraid I was going to forget the sequence and run us off-course. Instead, we won three of the four events we competed in! Livvy had a blast and I was totally hooked.

In the year since, we’ve competed in 16 AKC trials and have earned all the titles you can up to the Masters level. We’ve also qualified for the spring 2024 national championships! Who’dda thunk it?!

I have nothing to compare this to because she’s my very first agility dog (other than practicing with LottaDog Freya who was never going to compete because you’re not allowed to throw cheese puffs over jumps in competitions :)). Anyhow, nothing to compare it to, but I think that is an amazing first-year success rate!

One reason I’m so hooked is that while doing agility I am completely in the present, in a state of fun and focus. It’s a superb outlet and counter-balance to work, deadlines, etc. Many years ago, when I was going through a really difficult time related to media attacks like the one noted above, my therapist asked what I did for hobbies. Crickets….. I couldn’t answer her because I didn’t have any real hobbies. She told me it would be incredibly valuable for me to find one. Agility is proving how right she was.

One of the things I find most interesting about this new passion is that I just tripped into it, by accident, in my early fifties. I started doing agility lessons to give Freya some training and confidence building and had no intention of doing it for very long. But right off the bat, it lit me up and it turns out I have real talent for it.

My non-DNA mom started actively painting in her seventies and now, in her eighties, she is an amazing and prolific artist.

Makes me curious to see what might appear in the next decades.

In the meantime, as agility-geeks will say, “May the Course be with you!”

Cylvia

Olive’s awards from the last trial and Freya photobombing. I think LottaDog is thinking, “Hey, if it had been an eating contest those ribbons would be mine!”