Thanks for the post, its always helpful/enlightening to share someone else's story. We find ourselves living with our daughter and family at our sr age of 83-84 and being well looked after. Its truly a joyful time for us. To round it out, our first great granddaughter showed up 3 wks ago and we get to see her every week. As soon as Mom goes back to work we'll be taking care of her 2 days weekly! What a hardship duty!!
Keep on your journey 'kid' and we'll continue watching, absorbing, and still learning. Love you!
We understand. While my dogs are my constant beloved companions and my best teachers of simplicity, joy, pure love and my vehicles to an unencumbered spiritual awareness, never is it more important to remember this and take uninterrupted time with them and re-center than it is during my most trying times, of which there can probably be nothing more trying than dealing with declining and frightened elderly parents who deserve the dignity of having a say in their own care.
I constantly have to remind myself and my brothers that there are times when everything is not about me and what I think or feel.
Any measure of serenity and sanity I may be able to achieve amidst trying to deal with and accept these inherently excruciating and difficult circumstances is only gained by loosening my grip, creating an opening to allow the sunlight of The Spirit to burn the clouds in my soul away.
This is so well-stated. For me it is a dance between frustration, and even some resentment about being in the responsible-party position after the way things have been in this family, and love and compassion and the heartstring tug knowing how uncomfortable it must be for mom to have to be dependent on others now. You are so spot-on about the dignity piece -- I am really trying to navigate this in a way that gives her as much sense of dignity and agency as possible. And yes, enter the hounds!! Ha -- love it.
Dogs are nice .. but, for me, thank you for this bit of a side note on dealing with aging parents.
At 72 and in that demographic, since my sister's death last autumn, the sons have decided .. though I'm in darn good health .. that they need to have me nearby. Not just nearby, but, optimally, living with them!
As I recall Sis's complaints after she couldn't afford her apartment and was forced to live with her son, and about her loss of independence, I'm of the mind that that was a factor in her, maybe not early, but uncomfortable death at 74.
A personal vow I'd made in my early 30s, was to die happy. Not to die without regrets, but to die complete, rectified. That, for me, can't be done on someone else's terms and conditions. And it can't be found with another's expectations attached.
It's commendable that you are concerned with your once estranged Mother's well being. Please be respectful of her wishes.
Hi Julie. This comment is spot on. I have made the mistake of charging forward dealing with all the logistics of my mom's situation without consulting her first and I recently apologized to her for that and promised I would ask her what she wanted before we made any such decisions. Just today in fact I asked if she felt she could go back to her home for several weeks or if she really needed assisted living until we could her transported to be near my brother. She let me know she doesn't feel ready quite strong enough to be without care just now and so we are proceeding forward to get her into temporary assisted living. I wish you all the very, very best in finding the perfect situation for your next chapter.
Thank you, Cylvia. This is a trying time of life, no escaping that. It is thoughtful of my sons, as it is with you, for being aware of this. My hope is for the best outcome for all concerned.
It's also a very trying time. Period. There are too many, elderly or not, who are without a roof tonight. I've much to be grateful for. Peace.
Thanks for the post, its always helpful/enlightening to share someone else's story. We find ourselves living with our daughter and family at our sr age of 83-84 and being well looked after. Its truly a joyful time for us. To round it out, our first great granddaughter showed up 3 wks ago and we get to see her every week. As soon as Mom goes back to work we'll be taking care of her 2 days weekly! What a hardship duty!!
Keep on your journey 'kid' and we'll continue watching, absorbing, and still learning. Love you!
Daryl
We understand. While my dogs are my constant beloved companions and my best teachers of simplicity, joy, pure love and my vehicles to an unencumbered spiritual awareness, never is it more important to remember this and take uninterrupted time with them and re-center than it is during my most trying times, of which there can probably be nothing more trying than dealing with declining and frightened elderly parents who deserve the dignity of having a say in their own care.
I constantly have to remind myself and my brothers that there are times when everything is not about me and what I think or feel.
Any measure of serenity and sanity I may be able to achieve amidst trying to deal with and accept these inherently excruciating and difficult circumstances is only gained by loosening my grip, creating an opening to allow the sunlight of The Spirit to burn the clouds in my soul away.
Enter the hounds……
This is so well-stated. For me it is a dance between frustration, and even some resentment about being in the responsible-party position after the way things have been in this family, and love and compassion and the heartstring tug knowing how uncomfortable it must be for mom to have to be dependent on others now. You are so spot-on about the dignity piece -- I am really trying to navigate this in a way that gives her as much sense of dignity and agency as possible. And yes, enter the hounds!! Ha -- love it.
Dogs are nice .. but, for me, thank you for this bit of a side note on dealing with aging parents.
At 72 and in that demographic, since my sister's death last autumn, the sons have decided .. though I'm in darn good health .. that they need to have me nearby. Not just nearby, but, optimally, living with them!
As I recall Sis's complaints after she couldn't afford her apartment and was forced to live with her son, and about her loss of independence, I'm of the mind that that was a factor in her, maybe not early, but uncomfortable death at 74.
A personal vow I'd made in my early 30s, was to die happy. Not to die without regrets, but to die complete, rectified. That, for me, can't be done on someone else's terms and conditions. And it can't be found with another's expectations attached.
It's commendable that you are concerned with your once estranged Mother's well being. Please be respectful of her wishes.
Hi Julie. This comment is spot on. I have made the mistake of charging forward dealing with all the logistics of my mom's situation without consulting her first and I recently apologized to her for that and promised I would ask her what she wanted before we made any such decisions. Just today in fact I asked if she felt she could go back to her home for several weeks or if she really needed assisted living until we could her transported to be near my brother. She let me know she doesn't feel ready quite strong enough to be without care just now and so we are proceeding forward to get her into temporary assisted living. I wish you all the very, very best in finding the perfect situation for your next chapter.
Thank you, Cylvia. This is a trying time of life, no escaping that. It is thoughtful of my sons, as it is with you, for being aware of this. My hope is for the best outcome for all concerned.
It's also a very trying time. Period. There are too many, elderly or not, who are without a roof tonight. I've much to be grateful for. Peace.